Toxic Masculinity & Minding the Gap

 One thing from the Minding the Gap documentary that stood out to me as an example of toxic masculinity is the domestic violence seen from Zack. This isn’t to say toxic masculinity is always involved in situations of abuse, but Zack’s attitude in particular towards his fights with Nina seems to be rooted in toxically masculine ideas. When Bing asked him about hitting Nina, Zack went on about how she wouldn’t stop talking during fights and how sometimes, when they won’t listen to you, “bitches need to get slapped.” Zack’s idea that he needs to resort to physical violence so a woman will act the way he wants reminds me of the idea of the reading from Liz Plank’s “For the Love of Men.” The reading touches on how the idea that violence and angry outbursts are acceptable ways to deal with your problems is rooted in toxic masculinity. Boys are taught from a young age to suppress their emotions. They are told that “men don’t cry” or “men don’t hug”. If they never develop the skills necessary to communicate and express their feelings in a healthy way, they’re probably more likely to resort to violent behavior to resolve conflict.

The Plank reading also mentions a video posted by Elliot Rodger before killing seven people as vengeance for women never being attracted to him. By killing people, he thinks they will see that he is the “superior one” and a “true Alpha Male.” Obviously, Zack’s actions were not this extreme, but he also seems to have this idea that when Nina isn’t being quiet and acting the way he wants, he needs to exert dominance through violence. I’d imagine many instances of violence towards women, including Zack’s violence towards Nina, are related to men feeling like they need to be dominant and exert control.

While “Minding the Gap” included examples of toxic masculinity through the behavior of Zack and Bing’s stepdad, it also showed healthy masculinity. For example, it seemed like the men in the documentary often use skating as a way to cope with their emotions or the things going on in their personal lives. At one point, skating was described as a way to feel in control when nothing else felt that way. If young boys are taught healthy ways to cope with their emotions, like skating, and express what they’re feeling, they’ll be less likely to take their frustration out in unhealthy ways.